Rough Day For Mommy

(7/10/11)
BrynLee continued to nurse well on Sunday! She got 5 feeds in and did great every time! She still wasn't taking much in at that time, but that all comes with time.. She was still learning to suck and I've heard it's pretty hard work for them! Still as of today she hasn't thrown up since those first three feedings when she was gulping it down like she was starving! She's definately learned to pace herself! :)
Saturday morning I got a text from Nichole Erickson that she was in town and was going to stop by! It's always great when we have visitors! It seems to make the time pass by a little faster! That afternoon she stopped by and saw BrynLee.. It was time to nurse, so I fed her and headed to our hallway (I'm calling it OUR hallway from now on! I believe we've claimed it!) to sit and chat! She shared some very helpful advice as far as insurance goes, which is extremely helpful at this point! When she left she just had to give me a hug.. That dredded hug! UGH! It's amazing what you feel from different people, and from her I felt hope and strength, but most of all EMPATHY! She knows how I feel, she knows what this is like to sit here and not know, to still have hope even when the only answers you are getting from anyone is "I don't know!" I can't hug someone like that and not cry! Then she cries and we're both just one big mess! Thank you Nichole so much! You'll probably never know how much that one hug did for me! I really appreciate everything you've done for us!
After Nichole left I got to see my girls! My mom and grandma came by and for the most part it was pretty hectic! It usually is when you're trying to juggle nursing and life! Especially difficult nursing and hospital life! Austyn came back for a few minutes and kissed on her sister! She is so strong, but yet again, I see the hurt in her eyes too! She understands we need to be down here, but I know how bad she wants us home.. I know my kids are well taken care of, but it's not me taking care of them and that's what hurts! I'm so lucky to have such great family and friends who are willing to take my place until we can get home!
We all walked to the cafeteria to get something to eat and my phone rang.. I know who is calling when it's actually ringing.. It's the hospital! Eveyone else sends text messages.. I answered and sure enough she was ready to eat! So I left everyone to go back and nurse while they ate.. By the time I was done everyone was back and waiting for me in OUR hallway.. It was time to say goodbye.. I'd barely had a minute with them and maybe one kiss.. It wasn't long enough, but it was better than nothing.. Both the girls were tired and my mom and grandma had that drive ahead of them.. We walked them downstairs and the closer we got to the door the more my heart ached! I kissed Austyn and told her I loved her and to be a good girl, then Jocko gave me Aybri and I hugged her so tight! I knew it was the last time I was going to see her until we went home.. It took everything I had to wait until they made it out the door before I broke down! I didn't want them to see me upset.. Jocko really is the best! As much as I could feel he wanted to just sit and cry with me he held me and told me it was going to be ok and we'd see them again soon!