It's been a few days since I posted anything so I'm going to update, but I'll try my best to not go out of order! Thursday night Jocko and I got into the Ronald McDonald house and his parents got a hotel room.. It was so nice to finally have an actual bed to sleep on and not a rock hard couch (if you can even call it a couch!).. I remember waking up Friday morning and when I opened my eyes I squeezed them back shut as tight as I could and thought, "NO, this isn't happening, this was a dream and I was supposed to wake up and go to the hospital and have this baby today!" I kept telling myself this over and over, but when I opened my eyes again I was still there, in the room that was not mine and still had this ache in my heart! I lost it.. I was sobbing uncontrollably and Jocko woke up asking me what was wrong.. I couldn't talk I was crying so hard so he asked if I was in pain, I just shook my head.. Then he knew it was my heart that was breaking! He did what he always does when I'm upset.. He put his arm around me and just held me until I calmed down..
I will only share this publicly once, and then I'll deal with it from here on out.. But I have to ask one time.. I have to ask you, I have to ask Him, only once.. Why HER?? She's the most precious, peaceful, content, beautiful little baby! Why? Why a lifetime of trials and surgeries and pain? And why ME? I'm irresponsible and a procrastinator and a mess!
And then I think about it and I know why.. Even tho I don't THINK I can handle this, He KNOWS I can.. He only gives us things we can handle right? I sure hope my thoughts catch up with what He knows, because right now I'm still in doubt!
Once I got up and got ready I did a little better the rest of the day.. I did cry when they took her to surgery, but what mom wouldn't! I kissed her little head for the last time at 2:30PM and headed to the waiting room..
My family forced me to eat (who can eat when their kid is in surgery?) but I knew I needed to.. Once I started eating I realized how hungry I was and surprisingly ate a ton! Then we headed up to the family waiting room on the 2nd floor.. My mom, my grandma, Jocko's mom and Aybri were all there with us..
They called us every 90 minutes or so with updates..
First Update:
Second Update:
Waiting was alot easier than I thought it would be.. I updated my blog, checked facebook and even chased Aybri around a little bit.. When the doctors finally walked in it was the best feeling!
When we walked into her room after surgery we were amazed at what we saw.. She looked great! Not too much swelling, great color and she looked comfortable! :)
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