Mad

(7/12/11)
Tuesday morning was an absolute mess! When we got to the hospital BrynLee was asleep as usual.. We waited for her to wake up and when she did we found the biggest mess! I'm not sure if I've posted much about the infection she got, so I'll insert a little info here..
{When she got the infection in her belly they had to re-open the incision line to get all the pus out and let it drain.. Jocko was there when they did this.. I knew better and left the room.. He told me it was a good thing I wasn't there because it even made him a little queasy and BrynLee was screaming!}
So that morning when I took her diaper off I noticed that nobody had put any gauze over her belly (which we were using to protect her wound, and absorb whatever it was that was draining out of the wound) and there was poop everywhere! Not only was it all over her and the blankets, but it was INSIDE her wound! I don't know about you, but when I think of poop inside an already infected wound (one that goes clear to my baby's bladder) I get SICK! Not physically sick, but PISSED OFF MAMA sick! I was so mad I was fuming! I really wanted to just slap someone!
We had the nurse helping us and BrynLee was just screaming! It was horrible.. She was trying to get more packing gauze into the wound, but it had been healing very good the last few days, so when she pushed it in there all she did was make her bleed. That's where I had to sit down.. I felt bad, I know she needed me, but it was either I sit down, or they pick me up off the floor! I'm not sure if it was the fact that she was screaming like she was, or the fact that she was bleeding (I'm usually ok with blood, so I think it was that I knew how bad she must be hurting!) but I was light headed and nausous! Jocko took my spot and I sat with my head between my knees.. They finally got her to where they could give her to me and she went right to nursing..
She was only eating for about 3 minutes when I looked down and realized the dressing on her PICC line was basically GONE! Not sure how this happened because when you actually want that tape to come off it's almost impossible! I told Jocko to get the nurse.. I showed her and she immediately called someone from the PICC team.. The PICC line goes in the the crease of the elbow and all the way in to just above the heart.. I was amazed at all that went into cleaning it and redressing it.. They told us it didn't get pulled out any, but there was another chance of infection.. She was already on antibiotics from the first infection and they were planning on pulling the line out the next day, so nobody seemed very worried.. Nobody but me, but I guess that's mama's job!
Soooo, after this wonderful morning we'd had, the urologist walks in.. FABULOUS! We told her what had happened with the poop in the wound and the fact that we couldn't get the packing gauze in.. So what does she do? She gets down there and starts digging around again! UGH, my poor girl.. I know the drs know what they're doing, but I wanted to tell her to stop so bad.. To just give her a break from screaming for 5 minutes.. Then I thought, just get it over with.. Just hurry up so I can hold her..
When I got her and started nursing it was about 30 seconds and she was out.. She was just exhausted from the 2 hours of screaming that she wouldn't even eat.. I just held her and rocked her and didn't want to put her down ever again.. I wanted to go home so bad at that moment! I wanted her to just be healthy with no problems! I couldn't even think about the future and all that lies ahead of us.. I was mad! Mad at the nurses, mad at the doctors, mad at the world.. Most of all mad that my baby is going to go through so much and the fact that that morning was nothing.. She, along with the rest of our family, still has soo much to endure!
The rest of Tuesday pretty much followed the path of the morning. I missed rounds because our phones only have service in certain spots and I didn't get Jocko's text until 10 minutes after he sent it and by the time I got there the drs were gone.. I had the attending INSIST we give BrynLee a bottle so we could take the feeding tube out.. I understand his concern, but when I say no bottle I mean no damn bottle! And guess what sweet cheeks, I'M THE MOM! LOL.. Then with all the tension and frustration Jocko and I weren't seeing eye to eye and were at eachother's throats most of the day!
I was more than happy to call it a night! Tomorrow is a whole new day, and that's all I had to look forward to!